Bittersweet

My last day in Mexico included a trip to the lavender farm, a 3 mile jog with my trusty bodyguard Davis, the purchase of 3 kilos of fresh strawberries, and a wide array of strawberry creations (strawberry sorbet, mini strawberry pies, strawberry jam)!

Allowing...Easier Said Than Done

Over the last two years or so, the conversation of allowing for life and whatever it has in store has been very prevelant in my family. Whether it be concerning the problems that arise when you have siblings that are half of your age, moving to a new house or country, or overcoming racial stigma, allowing for the things that come our way is a necessary struggle. This is a major hurdle for me regardless of the situation, but at the same time it is something that I am committed to achieving.

Just after I broke my leg in the Autumn of 2009, I was laying in bed on my computer (as there wasn't much to do), when I began to download podcasts of all kinds. I started listening to recordings from Buddhists centers where people would engage in discussion following meditation.One specific podcast stuck with me. They were on the subject of grief, a topic most people can relate to on some level, and one I thought was especially pertinent at the time since I was trying to swallow the fact that I had lost the season I anticipated for 10 months in a matter of seconds. Among other things, they talked about being with sadness, and allowing for its presence, recognizing it's there and that it is a part of life's constant cycle.

It was all flowing nicely but the mention of one specific example struck at every appropriate heartstring. The speaker quoted a book that was discussing how scientists have measured the sound waves outside of cocoons and determined that the caterpillar in the cocoon is actually screaming in pain. From this we can gather that while transformation is often a painful process, it turns into something beautiful- a butterfly. I listened to the two minute explanation multiple times and decided that was a necessary point to live by.

This last November, my sister came to Minnesota to visit, and while I had told her the story during her pregnancy (6 months earlier and definitely necessary timing), I reminded her of it and proposed and image of a tattoo symbolizing the concept with

the word "allow" running down the cocoon. Three days later, we had the tattoo, though in different spots and with slightly different details.

As I approach yet another hiatus from my mom and sister, two people I consider to be a part of me, I am constantly reminding myself to allow for the space between us as it will be that much sweeter when I see them again. Along with that, I am allowing for my time in Greece to be an adventure in which I will try my hardest not to be attached to the outcome.

Basically, I feel as though the problems in our lives, regardless of their size or relative importance, are a direct result of a lack of allowance. It is now my life mission to minimize if not eliminate that small-minded behavior.

Envious

I stumbled upon this drawing while fiddling online a few weeks ago and I can't get over the beautiful, fine, details. I always admire people who can present a finished product, something that looks so complete, especially when it's just charcoal and graphite. The artist's name is Anne Judell.

Here is the website I found it on, some others by the same artist, and many more!

New Direction

It's been a while since I posted an update on my life, and as can be expected, many things have changed. I am approaching my last week of a near two-month stay in Mexico with my family, and although it feels like I just got here, in retrospect, quite a few things have happened.

As usual, our holiday was sabotaged by yet another case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and instead of sitting around the tree on Christmas Eve, I got a phone call from my mother screaming "Call the FBI Chloe!" in response to my stepfather being arrested by corrupt police. I am starting to appreciate the days in between "important holidays" opposed to operating with the rest of the world on the reverse schedule in the interest of avoiding any more major disappointment. New Years day marked the turn around as the family christened the brand new, chemical-free

pool; we swam all day and listened to an eclectic mix over the outdoor speaker system. The next few weeks had less drama, but don't be fooled, we were not low on entertainment.

I will be returning to Minnesota (where the average temperature right now is not above 10 degrees) in a week to train with my soccer team and gather my things before leaving for the Greek Islands to study abroad at the end of February. Each night before bed my mind is occupied with the many possible outcomes this trip may hold:

• I will live in total bliss and relaxation, a block from the beach, while learning another way to approach writing, photography, and life.

That is actually the only outcome I have been imagining, mixed in with snippets of stress, home-sickness, and a thirst for endless traveling. I am manifesting that while having two sides of my family live in two separate countries has been slightly upsetting at times, it has forced me to adapt to living in a foreign place for long periods of time while learning to refer to that place as "home".

Catch ya later Mexico, here I come Greece!

Please?

Is it so wrong to want this sometime/where in my future...On the weekends maybe?

Balloons

While driving through the mountains of Mexico for our weekly trip to San Miguel De Allende last week, I thought extensively about how to answer the frequent question regarding my decision to continue playing soccer following such a traumatic injury: "is it really worth it?". While I have spent the last nine months trying to answer this question myself, it was a relief to finally reach some clarity, which I am happy to say applies to every aspect of not only my life, but that of most human beings.

I chose to lay it out visually, imagining myself as a simple stick figure. From there I imagined numerous balloons stemming from the top of my head and the surface of my geometric shoulders and arms. These balloons each represent a different part of my life, not so much the physical things that I own and admire, but the figurative pieces of my life that energize me and keep me going, keep me upright. Some of the balloons attached to my head would represent the following:

-Soccer (I thought I would list this first since it sparked the idea)

-My family (the newest addition in particular, baby Tallulah is without a doubt a wonderfully bright light in my life)

-Writing

-Travel

-Good food

-The physical act of drawing and creating

-The list continues in greater detail, but I think you get the point.

When I thought more about it, all of the people who I know who appear to be bitter, mean, and unhappy, lack an abundance of these "balloons". Now I may have only been suffering from extreme boredom, therefore thought this was a good idea, or it might be that we should consider a person's balloons, or lack there of, before jumping to conclusions about their behavior.

To answer my, and a handful of other people's question, taking the necessary steps to continue playing soccer is "worth it" still because I am not ready to clip the string of that balloon nor has it frayed, it is still full of air and contributing to holding me upright.

Another Angle

I created a second blog, less of a personal reflection and more so a compilation of words that catch my eye. Please follow and feel free to contribute!

Words Like Water: http://wordslikewater526.blogspot.com/

"words like water: a combination of words that take on water-like qualities in the sense that they nourish, hydrate, and refresh our mind and spirit."